Coach Calhoun force chokes a referee.
University of Connecticut head coach Jim Calhoun was not present for the start of a recent practice prepping UConn for a Sweet 16 matchup with San Diego State. School officials first claimed that Calhoun was battling a nasty case of constipation. After getting word of the news, Calhoun informed the media the story was false.
Calhoun entered the press conference wearing a full length robe, his face mostly hidden from underneath. After several minutes of maniacal laughter, Calhoun pulled down his hood to reveal the startling resemblance to Emperor Palpatine. He made it clear that while he was extremely constipated, he had missed the start of practice due to his commitment to slaughtering Jedi and destroying the Rebel Alliance.
When asked by a San Diego State beat-reporter how he would attack SDSU’s vaunted frontline, Calhoun replied, “Come, boy, see for yourself. From here, you will witness the final destruction of the Alliance and the end of your insignificant rebellion.” He then proceeded to shoot electric bolts into the reporter.
No more questions were asked.
Sports Satire 